I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
