He disabled his match.com account in front of me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
