if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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