Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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