Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
