Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
