Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
