He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
