College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
