you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
