So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
