Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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