i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
