So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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