I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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