Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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