He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
