why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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