You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
