Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
