hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
