He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
