So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do herpes really smell.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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