It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
