so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
