wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
