i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
