I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
