I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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