My Higher Power is John Stamos
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
