I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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