He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
