I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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