i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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