if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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