And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
