ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
