Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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