Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
