I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
