Duck Duck Cougar?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
