Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm both gender and math confused
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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