if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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