Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
