Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
