Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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