yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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