Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
