So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
