dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
