Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
