You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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